Complicated Day

I had a good placement exam today I think. It is required of all CIDEF students (the foreign language department at UCO) to take an exam which is graded and presented not quite unlike the SATs. Every question was "fill-in-the-bubble" and a point was taken off for every wrong answer. I hate it when tests are graded like that. I just naturally want to take chances with answers for no particular reason and you just can't do that with such tests. Oh, well. I find out the results and my class choices this Monday.

I met a bunch of American students who were just great to hang out with. They are with a group called AHA which is an inter-university program that brings students over to study at CIDEF and guides them through life in France. I really enjoy the organizers because they are Americans who have lived in Angers for several years and have a very hybrid French-American flare to them. They also have given me some great tips and on handling everyday life and language as a person coming from America and wanting to adapt seamlessly to French culture.

The only somewhat bad thing was that the students' French was not that great so to communicate better with them, I spoke in English. Unfortunately, by evening my mind was suddenly in English mode but I hadn't realized it yet. I had my dinner at a French "Fast Food" place by myself so I could begin reading my French "Elle" magazine. I had told Monsieur Peaud this morning that I wanted to save up my dinners for the month and eat out instead this evening. (It was a super cheap 5 euro dinner to boot). Suddenly it was almost 8:00PM and I was too late to catch the last bus to my host family's home. They told me that in such a situation to call them and so I did. When I called I realized to my horror that I couldn't speak as fluently as I could this morning or comprehend Madame Peaud on the phone. I place blame though not only on falling into "English mode" but also being so embarrassed and hence unable to think straight. When she arrived, after several moments, where she was confused that suddenly I couldn't understand her as well as this morning or talk as well, I finally comprehended that Monsieur Peaud misunderstood me and they had wondered where I was at dinner. Monsieur Peaud made a specialty of his as well so I could try it!

Well, Madame was very kind, saying there will be another time to have a dinner like that but emphasized to me the importance of watching the time and not to make it a habit to be late for things. However, she also emphasized that just because of tonight I shouldn't think going out to dinner is forbidden and that it is perfectly natural for young people to want to hang out together and that is what they should do and both she and Monsieur Peaud were very agreeable when I told them I was going out again tomorrow evening by invitation of my new American friends.

But I just feel so rude and like a mental clutz for falling into the trap of using English when I was doing so well on my French track. It just- I don't know- I just feel so embarassed on many levels.
Thankfully I took that test this morning because I was still in French mode.

I admit, I've hit a block where a part of me wants to be home again, safe in the English-speaking walls of America and people, and places, and customs that not just I understand but understand me. At the same time, I have to remember, I've had a very good time up until this evening and have already learned so much.

I hope it will be better in the morning.